The Life of Severus Snape
by Mahomie74
Summary: What would the Harry Potter books look like through Severus Snape's eyes? *The story starts when Severus first meets Lily Evans*


**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all of the characters, story lines, and the dialogue in this first chapter all belong to JK Rowling and Warner Bros. The non-dialogue aspects of this chapter were written by me.**

Severus Snape was not a good looking child by any means. His dark, lank hair curtained around his pale, angular face. His clothes were ill-fit —always too large or too small for his wiry frame— and peppered with holes and frayed seams. It was partly for this reason that he had sat himself behind some foliage to watch two girls who were on a pair of swings. His attention was focused on the younger of the two.

Her brilliant red hair tangled and twirled around her as she swung swung higher and higher. When it seemed like the girl could not swing any higher, she leapt off of the swing. Severus watched with intrigue as she ignored the protesting screeches from the older girl and her hands left the rusting chains. She seemed to fly higher into the air —instead of falling to the ground as one would expect— and land gracefully on the asphalt below her. The older girl dug her heels into the ground to stop the movement of her swing and rose quickly, placing her hands on her hips.

"Mummy said you weren't allowed, Lily!"

The girl's nasally, high pitched voice caused Severus to cringe in his place behind the bush.

"But I'm fine!" A musical voice came from the red headed girl, Lily, followed by giggling.

"Tuney, look at this. Watch what I can do." Lily beckoned for the other girl, Tuney, to come closer. Tuney, whom Severus realized was likely named Petunia, glanced around as if she were searching for someone. Lily picked up a flower from the base of the bush that Severus had concealed himself in. He reflexively held his breath, hoping to remain undiscovered. She stood up and Petunia crept forward, torn between curiosity and disapproval. As soon as Petunia was within clear sight of Lily's outstretched palm the flower began opening and closing its petals.

"Stop it!" Petunia shrieked, visibly disturbed.

"It's not hurting you." Lily protested, but eventually closed her hand around the flower and cast it to the soft soil below. Petunia crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"It's not right." She said, her face pinched in some indecipherable emotion. Severus could see that her gaze had landed on the now still flower and had lingered there. "How do you do it?" There was definite longing in her voice this time. Severus' muscles spasmed and in a sudden lapse of judgement he had leapt from the bush he had been sitting behind.

"It's obvious, isn't it?" It was almost as though he was being compelled to speak. Petunia cried out in combination of fear and shock, and ran back towards the swings. Lily stayed her ground, her eyes wide and lips slightly parted. She was startled but not nearly as badly as Petunia was. Severus realized his mistake, having startled himself with his own abruptness. He could feel the heat rising to his cheeks, no doubt adding a rosy contrast to his pale skin.

"What's obvious?" Asked Lily. Severus suddenly grew nervous but he knew he was right. She was like him. She had to be.

"I know what you are." He said quietly. Lily's eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean?" She seemed to dare him to say it. Dare him to tell her what she was.

"You're...you're a witch." He whispered breathlessly. She gasped, as though affronted that he would suggest such a thing.

" _That's_ not a very nice thing to say to somebody!" She turned, nose in the air, and marched off toward her sister. Panic rose inside him. She had to be! He saw her!

"No!" He said, sounding more confident than he felt. His whole body felt like it was on fire. He knew that he was most likely exhibiting a highly unsightly shade of red. He ran after the two girls, his oversized coat flapping behind him. They were each holding onto one of the poles of the swings, looking at him in mutual disapproval.

"You _are_." He insisted. "You _are_ a witch. I've been watching you for a while. But there's nothing wrong with that. My mum's one, and I'm a wizard." Severus could feel the heat in his face increase as he confessed. He had been watching her for weeks but had never been able to gather enough courage to speak to her. Until now, at least.

Petunia laughed, a chilling, icy sound emerging from her.

"A wizard!" She screeched, her confidence returning. " _I_ know who _you_ are. You're that Snape boy!" She turned to Lily. "They live down Spinner's End by the river." It was clear that she did not consider the address adequate as a location for a home. She turned back to Severus. "Why have you been spying on us?" He pursed his lips.

"I haven't been spying." He shifted awkwardly and tugged at his shirt collar. The heat of the summer sun was making him uncomfortably warm. "I wouldn't spy on _you_ , anyway." He scowled at her in distaste. " _You're_ a Muggle."

Petunia glared at him. Though she might not have known the meaning of his words, she certainly recognize the tone he used. She grabbed Lily's arm.

"Lily, come on, we're leaving!" She said shrilly. Lily followed without protest as Petunia lead her away from the playground, turning back once to glare at Severus.

He stood there in silence even after they had left. First numbness. Then anger. And, finally, disappointment washed over him. He had a plan! He had been waiting for this moment! He had observed and analyzed for weeks!

He sat down on the damp soil and brought his knees up to his chest. He had ruined it. His one opportunity was ruined! Everything out the window because of his foolish impulsivity! He never should have tried. He deserved what he got for it. No one wanted to associate with the likes of the Snape family. The neighborhood in which they lived, the clothes that they wore, and the violent shouts and crashes that echoed down the cobbled street deterred anyone from approaching. He could choose to be angry with his mum. He could choose to be angry with his dad. The person truly at fault, however, was him.

He had always had a sneaking suspicion that his parents were happy long ago. There had to have been something there that had caused Eileen Prince to risk being disowned by her own family and marry Tobias Snape. Although Severus could not figure out what it was, he was sure that it was gone now and he stood in its place. Forever unwanted. He was sure that his parents hoped that they would wake up one day and he would no longer be there. That whatever they had lost would be there once more.

He tugged on his hair in frustration and pain, hoping to release some of the feelings trapped inside of him. Severus sat there for a while, the moisture from the ground seeping through his pants. The sun had begun to set and a chill had set in. He shivered once in attempt to ward off the cold, wrapping his coat tightly around him. With a tired sigh, he stood up and reluctantly started on his way home, the image of cascading red hair lingering in the back of his mind.

—

Despite the less than pleasant end to his first introduction, Severus continued to watch Lily from a distance, though this time he decided to remain in the open. Lily knew he was there, sitting under a tree with his legs crossed. She would glance at him from time to time and as the days went by her facial expressions changed from those of dislike to those of interest. He could tell she wanted to talk, but every time the corners of his mouth crept upwards in a shy smile she turned away. He clenched his jaw in frustration but continued to wait patiently for her.

One day, the moment Severus had been waiting for finally came. Instead of getting a quick glance from Lily upon his arrival at the playground, she started towards him. He stood awkwardly from his spot beneath the tree and looked down at his worn shoes, scuffing his feet in the dusty surface of the ground. He glanced up with his eyes, keeping his head low. Lily walked confidently up to him and stopped no more than two feet away from him. Severus could feel his heart pounding in his chest. His lips trembled uncertainly, unsure as to whether anything should be said. She saved him the time and anxiety, speaking quietly.

"Hello." Her voice quivered with uncertainty. It was quite a contrast to the way she had approached him. Severus forced his head up and looked at her squarely. He swallowed thickly. Lily looked at him expectantly.

"I'm sorry about before…." He shifted his weight from foot to foot, looking back down at his feet.

"You said you are a wizard?"

Severus looked up once more, his onyx eyes meeting her green ones. "Yes."

"And I'm a witch?"

"Yes." He replied with a slight nod.

"What else do you know?" She asked. He could see childish curiosity lighting up her eyes. He stood up straighter, some of his confidence returning.

"Lots." He said, proudly.

"How?"

"My mum."

"Your mum's a witch?"

"Yes." He nodded.

"And your dad's a wizard?"

"No. A muggle." He looked away, uncomfortable with the direction the conversation was going in.

"Muggle?"

"That's what we call non-magical folk." Disgust was clear in Severus' voice, causing the corners of Lily's mouth to turn down slightly into a frown.

"Oh." She paused briefly in thought. "How old are you?

"Ten. I'll be attending Hogwarts the year after next."

"I'm ten as well." She smiled brightly.

"Then you'll be going to Hogwarts along with me."

"Hogwarts?" That same curiosity from before lit up Lily's brilliant green eyes.

"It's where we go to learn more magic: spells, charms, potions—-"

"Lily! Mummy says it's time to come home!" Petunia's shrill voice called, interrupting Severus' explanation. He frowned, trying to contain his feelings of disdain for the obnoxious and nosey girl.

Lily gave Severus a small, apologetic smile. "See you tomorrow?"

"If you'd like." Severus gave a small smile in return before she turned away and walked back to Petunia, who glared at him before leading Lily away from the playground and away from Severus.

Satisfied with the breakthrough that had been made, Severus adjusted his coat and headed for home, a subtle spring in his usually mechanical step.

—

"...and the Ministry can punish you if you do magic outside school, you get letters."

"But I _have_ done magic outside school."

"We're all right. We haven't got wants yet. They let you off when you're a kid and you can't help it. But once you're eleven," he nodded importantly, "and they start training you, then you've got to go careful."

"It _is_ real, isn't it? It's not a joke? Petunia says you're lying to me Petunia says there isn't a Hogwarts. It _is_ real, isn't it?"

"It's real for us. Not for her, But we'll get the letter, you and me." Severus replied.

"Really?"

"Definitely." He radiated confidence, sprawled out on the grass in front of Lily. He felt so relaxed, something that he hadn't felt in a long while.

"And will it really come by owl?"

"Normally. But you're Muggle-born, so someone from the school will have to come and explain to your parents." He explained, fiddling with a few blades of grass.

"Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?"

Severus hesitated briefly. "No," he said. "It doesn't make any difference."

"Good." Lily relaxed a bit, laying down beside him. It was clear that her parentage had been a source of great anxiety for her.

"You've got loads of magic. I saw that. All the time I was watching you…" Severus trailed off awkwardly. His intent had been to reassure her but he had instead opened the doorway to conversation about his previous mistakes. Lily seemed to sense his fear of conflict and changed the subject.

"How are things at your house?" She asked, rolling over in the grass so that she was facing him.

"Fine." Severus focused his gaze on the clouds above them. He didn't want to talk about this.

"They're not arguing anymore?" Lily pressed.

"Oh yes, they're arguing. But it won't be that long and I'll be gone." _Finally out of their lives forever. Then they'll finally be able to be happy._

"Doesn't your dad like magic?"

"He doesn't like anything, much," said Severus. _Or anyone._ Lily knew by his tone that the conversation was over and that the topic was not to be approached again.

"Severus?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me about the dementors again."

Severus sighed in frustration. They had already discussed the dementors at length. "What d'you want to know about them for?"

"If I use magic outside school – "

He cut her off with an eye roll. "They wouldn't give you to the dementors for that! Dementors are for people who do really bad stuff. They guard the wizard prison, Azkaban. You're not going to end up in Azkaban, you're too – "

The bushes behind them rustled, making Severus turn to look. Petunia had lost her footing and fallen out of her hiding place.

"Tuney!" Lily exclaimed, surprise and welcome in her voice. Severus felt very differently. He jumped to his feet

"Who's spying now? What do you want?" He shouted. Petunia's face flushed and she searched for an appropriate insult.

"What is that you're wearing, anyway? Your mum's blouse?" She smirked, having found something to say. Severus' eyes narrowed. There was a _crack_ and a branch over Petunia's head fell, catching her on the shoulder and causing her to stagger backward and burst into tears. Lily screamed.

"Tuney!" Lily shouted, but Petunia was already running away. Turning on Severus, her eyes narrowed. "Did you make that happen?"

"No." He refused to believe that he had made such a large error. He couldn't have done it. He wouldn't have.

"You did! You _did_! You hurt her!" Lily backed away from him, giving him a look of fury and betrayal.

"No—no, I didn't!" He couldn't mess this up. Not now! Lily didn't believe the lie and he knew he couldn't convince her to forgive him. She gave him one last burning look and ran off after her sister. How was he going to fix this? Luckily, he didn't have to worry for long.

By the end of the next week, Lily had forgotten all about the incident. It was mostly because a strong thunderstorm had occurred and the entire tree had fallen, its roots on display to the world. Severus couldn't have been more lucky. Lily now believed he had been telling the truth because the tree did not prove to be as sturdy as she thought it was. When she had approached him with that small apologetic smile he had felt relieved. Finally, something he hadn't screwed up.


End file.
